Oh, and on the way home, at 8A.M.!!!, I had a moment of clarity, one of those light-bulb moments. I realized that it wasn’t that I was scared of my parents themselves, it was that I know what they think about homosexuals, I know how they feel about them. Why would I risk loosing my home and their money to care for myself, just to say that I am a bisexual woman? It is not like I am ever going to find a woman or a man for that matter that I give a damn about in this shit hole of an area. Or state. (TN) There are so many people here that hate people that they don’t understand and there is no…I am looking for the word…there are no resources for people like me that isn’t religiously inclined to tell me that I am not right and going to Hell. Even if I believed in their God, I am pretty sure that their Christian God does not hate people. That He would not create people just to send them to Hell for being themselves. I don’t think their God works that way. But they do. And that is all that matters. And yes, I know that what I said about not wanting to loose my parents money makes me sound selfish and shallow and like a really bad person, but…I don’t care. They have used me and bled me dry for years. The least they can do is house and feed me until I graduate and get a job far the fuck away from them.

So now for my evil alter ego to step forward again. Ha ha ha. So I had to leave my house and go retrieve my mother from town this morning. At 5 A.M.!!!!! Her dumb ass left this morning at 3!!! because she got mad at my dad for taking his brother to a horse sale. Really? So she goes packs her stuff, goes to town and looks for an ATM to get money to go to Memphis to go to Tunica? when she is having trouble walking? Yeah, story of my live. This shit is getting old!

foxsoccer:

Former Columbus Crew and United States midfielder Robbie Rogers has come out as gay and announced his retirement effective immediately.

The 25-year-old American, who played for Leeds United and left League One side Stevenage last month, wrote on his blog that he had been afraid of revealing his sexuality - but that he is now leaving football.

Read more here.

This is probably going to be very long and not make much sense, as it will probably be a rambling mess.

Ok, so years ago, my cousin (a girl) came out as a lesbian. She had dated guys since she was like 4. Very pretty very popular. Very girly. Al of a sudden, she is this guy clothes wearing short hair androgynous person claiming that she now likes girls and only girls. She dated this one girl for 3 or 4 months, they broke up and then she started to date guys again. She is now no longer a lesbian. I suggested that maybe she was bisexual, and she blew up at me. As if that were the worst thing in the world. Apparently, the only reason she dated that girl and changed everything about herself was because she was pitting her parents against each other. She wanted something and the only way to get it was to make them fight over her. While she was dating that girl, her mom wanted nothing to do with her and neither did her dad. As soon as she went back to being “girly,” they were all over her trying to get her to love them more. And she got everything she wanted. My parents made it very clear when she “came out” that if I ever did that I would be dead.

So, ever since then I have been living a double life. The one my family knows about, and the one they don’t. I have only dated one guy. I had sex with a friend, not my “boyfriend,” and when my mom found out she was like, “so when are you getting married?” And I was like, “we are not getting married, we are just friends.” That did not go over well. My dad and brothers still think I am a virgin, and unless I want to die, it will stay that way.

You may think that they use the phrase “I will kill you if you…” too loosely, but let me assure you, they don’t. They are very serious. Dead serious. I don’t want to make them seem like bad people, but…they kind of are. I don’t agree with them on anything. They are racists, sexist, horrible people. I don’t have the words to describe them. They scare me sometimes.

So back to my friend. We had sex. It wasn’t great. It actually kind of hurt. Apparently my vagina is too shallow? He kept hitting my cervix. Ouch! So my one and only sex partner wasn’t that great. Which is ok, because I didn’t really like him like that anyway. I just don’t know how to say “no” without loosing people. It’s not like I have a ton of friends.

Anyway, I really want to meet girls. Only problem, well there are several problems, but the main one is how do you meet girls? How do you talk to them and let them know you like them? Without getting your ass kicked? Or letting my family find out? Because I really don’t want to die yet. That is kind of shitty. Wanting to date a girl, but asking her to keep it a secret. I would never do that to someone. If I am with you, then I am with you. It shouldn’t have to be a secret.

But seriously, how do you meet girls? Or guys for that matter? Especially in my area? We have no LGBT community that I know of. We have no gay bars. We had one several years ago, but it got nasty real quick. As in people having sex in public for money, and cops getting involved. Gross. What am I supposed to do, date some strange person online that I don’t know, and have them turn out to be a psycho serial killer/rapist? No thank you!

I want to live my life. Apparently, I am going to have to wait a little longer until I graduate from college and get a job far away from home, so I never have to speak to my family again. I turn 26 in two days. This is pathetic and hopeless. I am so tired. Did any of this make sense?

So, I was thinking of taking my car to get a new paint job. Only, I can’t decide what I want. Do I want it to be completely purple, to have the bisexual flag on it, or to have the LGBT flag on it? Or maybe to really confuse people, I could get butterflies and hand prints in purple? That would be funny, watching people try to figure out what it means. LOL

So, what does it say about me and my situation when I can tell a complete stranger, a group of complete strangers, that I am bi, but I can’t tell my family for fear of what they would do to me if they found out? How is that right? How is that ok?

corianderp:

sawsbucks:

“…it will be heard across the country by gay, lesbian and transgender citizens…”
DEEP SIGH

ah yes, that well known acronym GLT

So, who exactly is this guy and what the hell is he talking about?

(via bisexualftw)